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Weekly Dose of Paranoia - Terrorist Hides Bomb in...(jeez, really) His Butt!

Posted by Marco Antonio Mendoza Wednesday, September 30, 2009 0 comments

Well apparently a Saudi Terrorist by the name of Abdullah Asieri attempted to assassinate a Saudi prince. How did he manage get an explosive device so close to such a heavily guarded individual? He hide about a pound of explosive with a detonator in his rectum (you know your dedicated to a cause when your willing to hide an object in your rectum).

Here is a video that discusses more about the incident.

Also more information from the The Mercury's blog:

The ass bomb was detonated remotely by text message. The Al Qaeda ass bomber's intended target—a Saudi Prince (wouldn't it be great if Al Qaeda only targeted Saudi princes?)—survived the attack, the ass bomber did not. But before you laugh it off:

"This is the nightmare scenario," said Chris Yates, an aviation security consultant. On a plane at altitude, the effects of such a bomb could be catastrophic. And there is no current security system that could stop it. "Absolutely nothing other than to require people to strip naked at the airport," said Yates.

And al Qaeda says it will share its new technique via the Internet very soon. There is nothing that can stop that either.

After the shoe bomber's attempt—a very nearly successful attempt—to bring down a plane over the Atlantic, we all had to start taking our shoes off at security and passing them through the metal detectors. What on earth are they going to do to us after an ass bomber brings down a passenger plane?

Here is the link to rest of the article

The Coolest Beer Commercial I Have Ever Seen!

Posted by Marco Antonio Mendoza Thursday, September 24, 2009 0 comments

It's late and I am bored but thankfully the internet knows just how to get me into the mood (I know what some of your are thinking but that's not what I'm talking about, shame on you).

I was catching up on my daily reading when I came across this awesome commercial posted on The Portland Mercuries blog. Check it out and be amazed!

Of course it's a Guinness Commercial

The Corner Sports Bar & Grill - Review

Posted by Marco Antonio Mendoza Wednesday, September 23, 2009 1 comments

Last Saturday I was hanging out with my girlfriend Zdenka at my place watching movies when we decided to go out and have some fun. We usually discuss what we want to do and plan out our night a little but not this time. I believe we spent roughly 30 minutes asking each other what each other wanted to do (you know the stupid back and forth that happens when two people have no idea what to do). Finally I said F-it (that's right I just censored myself, I Know I'm shocked too) and we decided to wing it, college-style.

I had the cab driver drop us off at Larco Mar in Miraflores. Once there we happened to walk by the Marriott Hotel's Majestic casino, surprisingly I was intrigued. Know the last time I can remember gambling was back in college when I was a student at the University of Portland, but that was just your average dorm room poker. In all honesty up until that night I had never actually played in a casino.

Seeing all those bright colorful lights drew me through the front doors (and past the hired muscle), like a fly to bright light. All the different sounds, lights, smells, and embellished carpeting seemed to heighten my senses. I was excited and nervous, I had been a long time since I had gambled and the fear of performance anxiety made my palms sweat. My fears are subsided as Zdenka takes my hand along with my S/.10 in coins, she's not afraid, she's been here before. She guides me too a slot machine and I ease into the drivers seat. I am instantly confused by all the buttons and on screen commands. The slot machine has an Asian theme with several recognizable (A.K.A. stereotypical) images. Zdenka explains how the game works and I do my best to pretend like I understand what she says. The first coin deposit is always the hardest but I reminded myself that I was here to have fun not invest in my future children's college fund (yeah right, like that's going to happen. That's what scholarships and student loans are for).

Anyways long story short, I started winning money (it's a good thing) and managed to walk away with a reasonable chunk of change (S/.90 to be exact, and that's from my initial S/.10). Knowing when to quit while I'm ahead (thanks Kenny Rogers) I decided to cash out. Feeling good about my win I asked myself: "self what does a person who has just won S/.90 do with that money?", the answer was simple "blow it on booze and food, duh".

So off walked Zdenka and I up Av. Larco where we passed a sports bar called "The Corner", and it was even on a corner too. I instantly like the idea of it being a sports bar and Zdenka was down for pretty much anything (A woman who will watch sports, drink beer all while in a rowdy bar full of drunk and obnoxiously loud males is a keeper in my book).

The Corner at first glance is a small sized bar with a warm interior full of sports paraphanilia and tons of flat screen tv's. The place a big bar and all the tables were high with comfortable stools. I found The Corner to be fairly comfortable with a fun atmosphere that made me reminisce about my college years and my Phi Delt brothers.

So we sit down in this packed bar full of mostly late 20's to late 30 year old's and I spot what looks like a hugh tube sitting at the table across from me. One of the guys moved his head and I realized that the tube was full of beer and it reminded my of a beer bong ( what didn't you teach me). I was interested and I had to order it. On The Corner's menu I saw that it was called The Tower and it is basically a tall bong full of 3 Lt. of beer that is accompanied by an order of Taqueños w/guacamole. At S/.57 I was sold, so I ponied out some of my winnings and basked at the task ahead. I looked over at Zdenka who was at awe at the prospect that lied ahead and told her that the night was just beginning (it was 11pm).

While waiting on the Goliath of a beer I noticed that my sports viewing options were fairly narrow which disappointed me a little. The choices that night were a boxing match between some dude from Mexico V. some dude from the US (the guy from the US won, take that MeJico!), a soccer match, and ESPN highlights covering the weeks College Football Games. I chose to watch the ESPN highlights figuring I could catch up on all the football I was missing (Great to see UofOregon doing good but even better to see that the Washington Husky's beat the crap out of USC, their overrated even if they have talent).

Finally the Tower was brought to our table and the drinking was commenced. The taqueños were awesome by the way, a perfect snack to accompany a nice cold beer. Zdenka and I then dedicated the next 2 hours to chugging down an unidentified beer in the comfort of what eventually became an empty bar. The first 2 Lt were solid for the both of us both, as we both felt fine, except we weren't (as a veteran party animal and alcohol hobbyist, I should have seen the signs of my impending intoxication). The last remaining liter of beer proved to be the final nail in the coffin and before I new it I was frenching the Tower and milking it of it's sweet malty nectar. 30 minutes later our task was accomplished and in our inebriated state we said our goodbye's to our new friend The Corner, knowing that one day we would return.

The rest of the night turned out great and I wish I could comment on it because the details are still kind of fuzzy (all I can say is that the night continued to get better. I'll let you make your own conclusions). What I can say is that The Corner while not cheap is great place to hangout, drink, watch sports, and make an ass out of yourself. I will definately be going back there again.

NOTE: also they have a great food menu.

Here is another great review of The Corner by Ben JonJak

The Corner Sports Bar and Grill
Av. Larco 1207, Miraflores.

Money Laundering in Lima, Peru

Posted by Marco Antonio Mendoza Friday, September 18, 2009 1 comments

I totally found this place by surprise and I only mean surprise because I pass this place like a billion times since I have been here and just recently happened to notice it.

It's beautiful really, two complete strangers in the world coming together to bring forth a service for the good of the community. It almost brings a tear to my eye.

Now I know where to go when I want to launder my money, ALRIGHT!

Kanye gets it from all angles

Posted by Marco Antonio Mendoza Tuesday, September 15, 2009 0 comments

The social media has been a buzz with videos, pictures, and comments all parodying Kanye's bad behavior, after all it's the least we can do. This guy is such a douchebag, anyways here are some videos that I found all making fun of and ridiculing Kanye.

First is Steven Colbert's public address and outrage towards Kanye:

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Kanye West Interrupts Taylor Swift at the VMAs
Colbert Report Full EpisodesPolitical HumorHealth Care Protests

Even the President of the United States of America, Barack Obama (at least it sounds like him, can't really confirm it though) called Kanye West a "Jackass", lets watch!:

On Sunday I went for a walk through the Plaza de Armas in Lima. We went to take pictures of annual migration of tourists who come from continents afar. We walked along Jirón de la Unión which is several closed off streets filled with restaurants and shops that connects the Plaza de Armas with the Plaza San Martin.

The day was overcast but luckily it was warm out. Saturdays and Sundays at Jirón de la Unión are the most frequented by the public and can get pretty crowded in the afternoon hours. Zdenka and I were hungry from all the site seeing and walking and we spotted this street cart that was operated by three women who were selling Picarones, which is deep fried dough covered in honey. The aroma of the honey in the air was so robust and floral that we could smell it from two blocks down. While eating our delicious and sticky Picarones I noticed an abundance of bees that quickly turned into a horde of bees who were feasting out of the trash can near the stand. I would have actually almost ate a bee myself if it wasn't for Zdenka's squeal of terror at the site of the winged arthropod.

Stomachs silenced and satisfied we continued our stroll through Jirón de la Unión until we came upon a church. Zdenka immediately identified it as La Merced, the very church where she had her first communion (I think that's how you spell it).

Anyways, La Basílica Menor y Convento de Nuestra Señora de la Merced as it is officially called in Spanish was constructed by Friar Miguel de Orenes in 1535, who was later given the title of archangel San Miguel.

La Merced is located on the corner of the fifth block of Jirón de la Unión in the historical district of Lima. The original temple was constructed of wood and the second one which remains to this day was made of adobe and brick.

The front entrance of La Merced is considered to be a historical relic and
is recognized for its amazing artistic quality. It was made from granite that
was brought originally from Panamá. The entrance adornment was constructed in
three seperate pieces and was designed in a unique fashion that cannot be found
in any other church in Lima. The columns of the entrance are fashioned in the baroque style.

The main figure in the center of the adornment just above the door entrance is
of Nuestra Señora de la Merced which was considered for centuries as the celestial
protector of the city.

the church was designated a Minor Basilica by Pope Pius XII in 1946. The church
has also survived several decades of earthquakes and fires and has been reconstructed and restored on numerous occasions. The interior has a rustic warmth to it that emanates a sense of tranquility and serenity (shot me if those mean the same thing, I'm being poetic hear).

In the cript located in the preparatory lie the remains of the La Merced's
original donor of the land with which the church and convent were build upon.
El Capitan Francisco de Becerra.

For those of you interested in visiting La Merced here are the hours when it is open to the public. There is also a museum too but I have no clue what it's hours are:

Hours open to the public
Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun
Open 8:00 8:00 8:00 8:00 8:00 8:00 8:00
Closed 12:45 12:45 12:45 12:45 12:45 12:45 12:45
Open 16:00 16:00 16:00 16:00 16:00 16:00 7:00
Closed 20:00 20:00 20:00 20:00 20:00 20:00 20:00

This video was posted by a friend in the states and it totally made me laugh which was perfect because that was exactly what I needed today. Here's to hoping that it brightens your day wherever you are.

Where is all the feedback?

Posted by Marco Antonio Mendoza Monday, September 14, 2009 1 comments

So I have noticed that there is a serious shortage of comments on this blog. Seriously whats up with that? Granted I write most of these articles for my own personal satisfaction as well as for my friends and family in the States but a few comments/feedback once in a while would make this blog feel a little less empty.

Don't worry folks I don't bite nor will I send you tons of hate mail if you leave nasty remarks.

Ok, I am coming down from my soapbox now. Good night everyone!

Goodbye Swayze

Posted by Marco Antonio Mendoza 0 comments

Well if you live anywhere other than Antarctica then you probably heard that Patrick Swayze has died from his long bout with pancreatic cancer. He was a great actor and will be missed.

Word of his death has taken websites like and facebook by storm with everyone talking about it.

we will miss you Patrick.

Panchamanca and Booze, It must be Saturday Night!

Posted by Marco Antonio Mendoza Sunday, September 13, 2009 0 comments

After a long day of work, on a Saturday no less, what is the best way to unwind? Three words: food, booze, and friends, I believe that sums up a great Saturday evening.

Last night I went to a Panchamanca party in Lince, where the food was abundant and succulent, the kind of perfection that is only achieved from hundreds of years of tradition. All my friends were there drinking and eating, and just having a good time. I'll admit that it wasn't your average college party, it was more of a laid back kind of party.

The beer was plentiful and at S/.5 who could complain. I did not get drunk...this time and was fairly proud and slightly disappointed in myself, those are the kinds of feelings that people with high expectations have.

Not much else to say so here are some pictures of me being goofy:

9/11...that date seems familiar

Posted by Marco Antonio Mendoza Friday, September 11, 2009 0 comments

So it's Friday and I have been busy working like a mule on steroids (I have no idea how to picture that). Unfortunately this keeps me from dedicating more of my free time to this wonderful blog, and don't even get me started about my Twitter responsibilities that I have neglected (besides nobody wants to know what color my lucky underpants are...their blue). I found this video on one of my favorite Portland blog sites, personally I found it hilarious but I have come to realize that my sense of humor tends to disgust others, so....yeah!


As much as I love to work I can always find comfort in the weekend, a time dedicated to accomplishing as little as possible with no worries towards my future or reflections of my ever fading youth (I know I'm sooooo old). It's a special time to unwind with a nice beer (which in Lima is slim pickin's), Zdenka and friends by my side, and some good food (well there's a fourth thing but we won't go there).

Where does one go in Lima when they need quick and excellent printing services? Why central Lima of course, and that is exactly where I spent my afternoon today. In search of a printing shop that could put together the sexy brochure I completed at a reasonable and economic price.

In downtown Lima there is a place near the Plaza de Armas where you will find several small and medium sized printing shops as well as a number of stores that sell paper and paper products (I hear Dunder-Mifflin even opened an office there recently). To be exact the majority of these printing shops are located on the Av. Ica-Ucayali near the Old Theatre and about one block up from Av. Emancipacion.

These printing shops are awesome they can put together just about anything at fairly reasonable prices, although it always helps to shop around for the best price. Aside from having the brochure made (1000 brochures for S/.250 < $100) I am also having some business cards made.

After spending an hour at the printing shop coordinating the development of my business cards I decided to kill time by walking around Lima and I came across this awesome church (awesome in the sense of its magnificent architecture), I don't really remember the name of the church but who can there are like 100 or more in Lima (NOTE: GROSS EXAGGERATION).

Anyways, I go inside the church guided only by curiosity and boredom and am amazed at how peaceful it was inside. I know what your thinking, a church peaceful and quite DUH. I don't know maybe it's all the noise and congestion of the big city that makes the interior of a church seem so tranquil and relaxing (weird, I KNOW). I decided I was brave enough to take a few interior snapshots, besides the place was like a geriatrics ward. Here are some of the shots I took.

Jesus in Chorrillos...He Lives, no really he's alive

Posted by Marco Antonio Mendoza Wednesday, September 9, 2009 0 comments

so the other day I was with my father and we were heading home when we came across Jesus (or at least his "Elvis" style impersonator). I have seen this guy before in the neighborhood he would walk around barefoot wear an outfit similar to the J-man. My dad had noticed that almost every day that we saw him his outfit was a different color so when we drove by him the other day my father just had to ask him why he wore different colors everyday.

Turns out that according to the bible (don't quote me on this I am pretty sure that I am going to misinterpret it anyways) Heysus would wear his gown attire in different colors according to the colors of the rainbow (example: Monday would be red gown, Tuesday orange gown, etc). Why exactly, I don't actually remember but that's not why you kept reading anyways. So here are a few shots of my dad with Jesus.

Don't Smoke Crack

Posted by Marco Antonio Mendoza Friday, September 4, 2009 0 comments

It has been a slow day indeed and so I bring you another treat from the internet. I was on the Blogtown PDX blog site (which is owned and run by the Portland Mercury Newspaper) when I came across this video. I have no words to describe it expect to say that it left me laughing pretty hard, Awww Friday.

Los Angeles Fires

Posted by Marco Antonio Mendoza 0 comments

 Today I came across this time lapse video of the insane wild fires that are currently terrorizing the residents of southern California.  The video was put together by the talented Brandon Riza who also happens to be an awesome photographer and hardcore adventurer.  Here is the link to his website: Brandon Riza

Check out his site he has some amazing 360 degree shots from many recognizable locations.

My 24th Birthday Party!

Posted by Marco Antonio Mendoza Thursday, September 3, 2009 1 comments

Last weekend I had the fortune to have a surprise (well kind of...) birthday party thrown in my honor.  Normally in the past I have celebrated my B-day with family, which would consist of us going out to dinner followed by me going to a bar with a few friends where my night would usually end (fairly boring I KNOW).  Who would be so bold to break me from my mundane tradition?  The culprit was none other than my girlfriend Zdenka, she single-handedly orchestrated the festivity (with support from other friends).

Since my birthday (August 31 for those who didn't know) fell this year on a Monday, Zdenka decided that it would only be appropriate to plan the party for Saturday night (to better accomodate the inevitable next day hangover). 

So Saturday arrived and I had made plans with Zdenka to go dancing with our friends Evelyn and Lorenzo in Barranco at Rustica (a rather decent place with a fairly large dance floor).  I arrived at Zdenka's house at around 8pm and ended up waiting nearly two hours for Zdenka to get ready (she was stalling).  On our way to Barranco, Zdenka was constantly texting and talking on her phone to people who she assured me had to do with work (she was talking to the invites).  When we got to Rustica Evelyn and Lorenzo were already inside and had snagged a table, which seated 10 or more (I found that rather odd at the time).  We order a few 1 liter size beers that come in these huge mugs, at which point I started to suspect that something was up.  Then Zdenka's phone rang and before I knew it she was gone, a few minutes later she returned followed by a horde of my friends and family (at this point it all finally came together). 


With the surprise out in the open the party began to take off.  The music was great, the beers plentiful, and the feeling that someone (who went through all the trouble of putting together a surprise party) truely loves you made the night wonderful and more than I could have asked for.  But wait it doesn't end there, oh no there is more to this than I have discussed yet. 

My favorite cake torta helada (cold cake) a cake covered in jello, was brought out by the work staff at Rustica and the entire bar began to sing happy birthday in tremendous unison. 


So there I was enjoying my party without a single problem and then the DJ comes on the speaker to announce that he "needs three brave men to come up on the bar and compete to see who has the best dance moves".  This is roughly when I noticed that I was being dragged across the dancefloor and to my horror towards the bar.  Before I could even argue or run away I found myself standing atop a bar with two other dudes facing a full bar of people (this is the kind of situation that most of us fear).  Out of the speakers can the bump and roar of (one of thousands of roughly identical) reggaeton songs.  Realizing that I had a pair and slightly buzzed on watered down beer I began to do what came natural to me and shaked my thang (and quite well if I might be sold bold). 


When the music came to a halt the DJ called out to the crowd for a judgement in an American Idol (God I know I just referenced that show) kind of way.  Now I am not pulling your chain nor am I painting this story in my favor but I was sure as hell shocked to find out that I had beaten my two other opponents (one of which I had suspected was gay for his persistent attempts at trying to grind up on me).  And just when you would think the public humilation would be brought to a halt, the DJ called out to any guy who thought he could out dance the Champ.  Out of the corner of the bar appeared this muscle head who hopped onto the bench (good God WHY!).  The music was turned on again and I was therefore subject to kicking ass with my awesome dance skills.  The verdict was then asked of the public who unanimously voted in my favor (SE QUEDA!), while the other dude was sent home (SE VA!). 

For having been such a good sport and being subject to such embarrasment I was reward with a free 1 liter beer (aw...the taste of victory...slightly watered down). 


The rest of the night was spent consuming medicore but still efficient libations and dancing to my favorite songs with an over inflated ego (long live the king!).  The rest of the details are kind of fuzzy but I am sure that I didn't do anything to idiotic (this time).

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A travel blog about living abroad in Lima, Peru and my travels to cities like Cuzco and Machu Picchu. Inti Aperture is a blog about travel, Peruvian food, culture, adventure, jobs, tourism, travel, news, teaching English, photography, and living abroad, making it a perfect resource for the traveling expat.
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